bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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