When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
