He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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