i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
