this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
