I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
