well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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