Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
