Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
