I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
