Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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