No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
