Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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