I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
