Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
