but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
time to smoke my breakfast
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
