fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
