I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
