Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
