All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
