So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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