you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
