Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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