my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
