What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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