i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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