Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Two words: blizzard sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
