i will never coherently bang her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
