I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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