I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
