he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
