You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
