I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
