You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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