True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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