he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
