..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
