I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
