please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
