I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
