If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
