Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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