Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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