i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
