You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
