I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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