how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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