I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just pee around me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
