Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
