Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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