your room smells of hookers.
And success
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
