you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
