I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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