My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
